TomatoLine Bling
by LordByronMudkippington
Summary: Nico returns to the city after some time away, and finds that things are different. Her loving tomato waifu has changed, and Nico isn't sure that she likes it. This can only mean one thing. [Art by Noelclover.]


Hands folded together, Nico watched through narrowed ruby eyes as three young women gathered together. The ginger one seemed to be the talker of the group, speaking animatedly and laughing at whatever it was she said. The other two would laugh politely along, though from her distance away she couldn't tell for sure. All she knew is that her eyes were specifically fixed upon the redhead with the perpetual frown. At least, it was perpetual, until it wasn't. It was the slightest of smiles, but it didn't escape Nico, and she didn't like it one bit. Maki sure didn't smile like that for her anymore.

The sound of her phone ringing startled her out of a spiteful trance, and for a moment her eyes lingered on Maki's hands, but they were empty and stiff at her sides. Reluctantly she pulled her phone out of her purse and, without looking at the caller ID, answered it and put it up to her ear. "You'd better have a damn good reason for bothering me right now."

"Aww Nicocchi, is that any way to speak to your dear old friend?" Ugh, it was Nozomi. Of course it would be her. She always had impeccably awful timing.

"Right now I'd say it is."

"Let me guess. You're stalking Maki-chan right now." The fact that she always knew what was going on was equal parts fascinating and annoying. Right now, it was definitely flipping towards the annoying side.

"For your information, stalking is not the word I would use. I prefer the term 'following intently'."

"You just got back into the city yesterday and you're already stalking her, then?" What had she just said about the term? Ah whatever, Nozomi was never one to listen anyway.

"I just wanted to see how my girl was doing."

"Uh huh, and how is 'your girl' doing?"

"Not good, I'm afraid." Nico sighed dramatically, looking wistfully into the distance. If only Nozomi was actually there to see the complete image. "She's waiting in line for some club, hanging with some girls I never seen before. I don't like it."

"Oh, she must be with Hanayo-chan and Rin-chan. They're very nice, you know."

"So that's their names." Nico glared at the girls who she now knew to be Hanayo and Rin. They were taking her girl to a club, and in a very inappropriate dress as well. She was furious - indignant! - at how badly they were ruining her Maki. "Is this what's been happening ever since I left the city? You should see this tiny cloth she dares call a dress! It's, it's... scandalous!"

"Well, show me if it's so scandalous." Sighing, Nico pulled her phone down and brought up her camera app, zooming in as far as she could and snapping a picture of Maki and the offending garment. She then sent it to Nozomi and put the phone back up to her ear, waiting for her friend's response. "Ooh, I like it. It's very attractive."

"That is the problem here! It's too attractive! Think of all those dirty guys who will swarm around her and hit on her! How dare they."

"You're not worried about any females hitting on her too, then?"

"Oh God, the women too! They'll be all over my tomato princess! This will not stand, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear. But here's a thought: try coming to my house instead of walking over there and making an ass of yourself." Okay, how dare Nozomi as well. Why did she have to try and inject logic into Nico's emotion-fueled crusade?

"Ugh, fine. Fine! But you're picking me up. I don't even know where you live now."

"Alright, what club are you, uh, 'following intently' at?"

"The Cat's Meow."

"I'll be there in a little bit. Try not to do anything stupid, okay? Ciao!" They hung up, leaving Nico some time to angrily stare at these girls of utter corruption.

"Chow? I'm not even eating anything."

* * *

"God, you took forever! They already got into the club, you know." Nico climbed into the passenger's seat and buckled up, glaring at Nozomi as they started to drive off.

"Sorry Nicocchi. I had to finish cleaning the chocolate from Elicchi's tits."

"... You know what? I don't want to know." She slammed her head into her seat, groaning. It wasn't like she expected to come home and be greeted with open arms, but a call would have been nice. Specifically a call from a certain redhead who was probably now busy drinking glasses of champagne on the dance floor or something. How could things have changed so much since she went away?

"You should chill out, Nicocchi. You know what's good for chilling out?"

"For the last time, I am not joining you and Eli in bed. It's bad enough I had to spend high school as your third wheel. I'm not being the 'trois' here too."

"Aww, you're such a bore! That's not what I meant, though."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Vodka-"

"No." For someone who seemed so knowledge, Nozomi was always good at trafficking in bad ideas. Their graduation party had involved a good amount of vodka, straight from Eli's secret stash. She still had no idea how she ended up on the roof of the school or whose dress she was wearing, but she was definitely scared of heights and definitely did not want to sober up so far up from the ground.

"Maybe this is why Maki-chan has to have fun while you're gone, Ms. Buzzkill."

"Speaking of Maki!" Nico was ready to go into a very angry diatribe, but they had ended up at Nozomi's house already, temporarily putting an end to the conversation as the two exited the car and went up to the door. Pulling a key from her pocket, Nozomi unlocked the door and they stepped inside.

"Elicchi, I'm home!"

"Welcome home!" Eli walked out into the hallway to greet them, and why the hell was she topless. Upon noticing that there was a very uncomfortable Nico standing there, Eli let out a shriek and covered her bare chest with her arms. "N-Nozomi! Why is Nico here?! You said you were going to get some strawberry shortcake!"

"And here she is!" Nozomi grinned down at Nico, who looked up with a deep scowl.

"I hate you so much, I swear to every God who may be watching right now." She stomped into the house, trying her hardest not to look at Eli, who had gone beet red and looked as mortified as Nico felt. "See, this is why I don't come over anymore." Making her way to the couch, she slumped down onto it and closed her eyes, listening to the footsteps of Eli running out of the room to grab a shirt, grunting at Nozomi's soft laughter as she came in and took a seat next to Nico.

"Nicocchi, you can't be so mad at Maki. She deserves to have fun too, just like you."

"It's just not her, though," Nico grumbled, crossing her arms as Eli came back and sat calmly on Nozomi's lap. That blush was still evident though. "Right now she's someone else."

"Oh jeez, are you still ragging on Maki again, Nico?" Eli sighed and leaned against Nozomi, who began running her fingers through luxurious blonde hair.

"Excuse me, but I am not going to be talked down to by an exhibitionist." That got the blonde's blush rising back to critical levels.

"It's pretty hard to not talk 'down' to you, Nicocchi."

"That's strike two, Nozomi. Strike two!"

"And what are you going to do if I reach strike three?"

"I'll... Uh, I'll... put caramel all over Eli's tits."

Nozomi gasped, leaning back from Nico as if burned. "You monster!" She pouted at Nico, who merely laughed in response.

"Why am I always the one that's actually getting punished here?" Eli grumbled and ran a hand through her hair. "Look, Nico, instead of bitching about it to us, why don't you bitch about it Maki? She seems to always put up with you."

"I thought you put up with me too!"

"Reluctantly." Nico grumbled and lightly slapped Eli across the arm, kicking out her feet petulantly.

"I can't even seem to talk to her anymore without her getting mad at me. She just... She makes me feel like I did her wrong." What had she done besides be cautious and helpful? If Maki wasn't such an independent and stubborn brat, she would see that Nico was right to be protective. Nico Nico Nii was always right. "She's really got me stressed out, you know."

"Oh, Elicchi, let me show you the dress Maki-chan was wearing. It's super attractive!" Nozomi blatantly ignored Nico, fishing out her phone and pulling up the picture Nico had taken, shoving it in Eli's face.

"Ooh, is that a Minami design?"

"You two are completely missing the point, and honestly you've got me down right now." Jumping off the couch and onto her feet, Nico shot them both a deadly glare. "You're supposed to be helping me with Maki!"

"Were we?" Nozomi tapped her chin with a finger, tilting her head slightly to the right. "I don't remember agreeing to that. In fact, I wanted to make sure you didn't do anything really stupid with her."

"You are the worst, Nozomi. You know what you are? A... A non-enabler, and that's really uncool." With a flourish, Nico turned around and started walking to the door.

"Where are you going, Nicocchi?"

"I'm going back to that club, and I'm going to set Maki straight. Well, not 'straight', but, you know... straight."

"And now do you plan on getting there?" Nico stopped in her tracks, staring at the door. Out there was Nozomi's car, which had transported her here, which she did not have the keys or the legality to drive.

"Fuck you, that's how."

* * *

So Nozomi had kept her from confronting Maki that night. Whatever, that's fine. There was always the next day. When that next day came, Nico was up and at them, taking the bus directly to Maki's fancy mansion. Of course she would still live there. Where else would she go? It was the biggest house in the area: kinda hard to miss.

Well, 'directly' wasn't quite the term she would use. It took another ten minutes of walking to get to the gate, but there she was, and so she pressed the communication button and waited.

"Hello?" The voice on the other side was oh-so-familiar, and Nico felt her heart skip a beat at the sound.

"Hi hi, Maki-chan! It's your favorite idol, Nico Nico Nii!" She did her pose, but nobody was there watching. What a wasted opportunity for them.

"Who?"

"God dammit Maki, just let me in." Soft laughter emanated from the speakers, and then the gate opened up, allowing her passage inside. While walking up towards the door, she wondered what she was going to say. She would just have to say the truth: that she had seen Maki at the club with strange women, and that she was concerned for the redhead's well-being. That was a very good thing for a friend to do, right?

Before she could even knock on the door, Maki opened up, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Nico, as if she hadn't just allowed the idol entrance onto her estate. "Back already, Nico-chan?"

"Is that any way to greet your favorite idol?"

"Not at all."

"... I'm going to let that slide." Pushing her way inside the mansion, she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Maki. "We need to talk."

"Fine." Maki led Nico into the plush living room and gestured to the couch, but Nico had already stopped, having noticed that there was already another presence in the room.

"Okay, who is this?"

"Sonoda Umi. Nozomi sent her over, for whatever reason." Maki shrugged and dropped down onto the couch, draping an arm across the cushions. Umi gave a stiff wave to Nico, who waved back half-heartedly. "So what exactly do you want to talk about?"

"Uh..." She had lost her train of thought. Whatever reason Umi was here, it wasn't good, since Nozomi had her hands in it. She probably had her hands in Eli right now... Okay, focus, focus! She slapped her cheeks to right her mental ship, getting strange looks from Maki and Umi in the process. "Right, okay, so, Maki! I'm concerned for you."

"For me?" Maki narrowed her eyes, sitting up in a more formal pose. "And why, pray tell, are you 'concerned' for me?"

"This just isn't you, Maki! You're not a club hopper!"

"A what?" Maki's eyes widened, then settled down upon realizing what Nico must've been talking about. "Oh, you mean last night? It was one club, Nico-chan, and we didn't even stay out that late."

"I've heard that you've been going out more than that lately."

"From who, exactly?"

"Your mom."

Maki rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. "You're texting my mother?"

"As any concerned friend would do! Also she's really hot."

"So I've heard..."

"Anyway!" Nico coughed, getting back to the conversation at hand. She couldn't let herself get distracted by Maki's hot mom. "Look, we're all worried, alright? Why are you never alone anymore? Why are you always touching road?"

"Touching... What?"

"You used to be such a good girl. You was in the zone, Maki!"

"Excuse me?" Maki sputtered, eyes widening. "What the hell are you even talking about?"

Nico gave Maki her sweetest smile. "You should just be yourself."

"Umi, please escort Miss Yazawa out of my house." Umi nodded and crossed the distance between herself and Nico before she could blink, scooping up the tiny idol in her arms and carrying her towards the door.

"Okay, now you're acting more like yourself." Nico sighed as the outdoors greeted her, slumping in Umi's arms. "This is bullshit."

"By the way, Nozomi says hi, and nice try." A small smile played on Umi's face as they reached the gate, as if she was enjoying this a bit too much.

"Tell her I said 'Go fuck yourself'."

"Will do." With that, Umi shifted Nico in her arms and reared back, then politely but firmly tossed her over the gate. As Nico went airborne, the soft sounds of Imogen Heap played in her head. The mansion came into view, its splendor a nice contrast to her current predicament as Umi's shotput. What a cruel world this was. Cruel indeed! A world where her concern was misconstrued as ill-intentioned. This was the thanks she got for being a good friend? The indignity of it all!

As she began her descent, she tried to move her body in order to cushion her fall, but she never reached the ground. Her shirt got caught on the gate spike, pulling back hard on her and leaving her hanging there like a ragdoll. Sighing, she stared down at the ground and tried to suppress a shudder that ran through her body. Well this was certainly awkward.

"Umi! Uh, Umi, I'm stuck!" There was no answer. "Umiiii?" Nothing. "God dammit, someone help me!" The only help she got was from her former drama professor, who walked by and laughed as she passed. "Well fuck you too! You couldn't act your way out of a paper bag!"

Well now she was stuck there until someone helped her, or her shirt ripped and sent her plummeting to the ground below. "I hate heights!"

* * *

Nico sighed deeply, looking down at the ground with a hint of sadness in her ruby eyes. What a disaster these past two days had been. On her right, Nozomi gently patted her shoulder. "It's alright, Nicocchi. Sometimes relationships change over time. Don't let it get you down."

"You're right, Nozomi." Nico sat up with her head held high, eyes shining with determination. "I'm still the cutest and most talented idol in all of Japan! I can be with anyone I want, and I don't need to let some stubborn redhead get me down!" The sound of her phone ringing came from her purse. "Oh, I bet that's Maki!"

"So much for that," Nozomi sighed, watching as Nico pulled her phone out and stared at the screen. It indeed was Maki. The two of them exchanged glances.

"Maki's calling me, Nozomi. That can only mean one thing." Quickly she answered the call. "Helloooo Maki-chan!"

"Huh? Nico-chan? Oh, sorry. Wrong number." She hung up, leaving Nico holding a dial tone with a stunned expression.

"What the hell, Maki-chan?! You was in the zoneeee!" 


End file.
